Why is sex interesting, Wallace Shawn? Because it’s confusingly immaculate. In his essay, “Why is Sex Interesting?” Shawn proposes multiple reasons why people find sex so intriguing, yet uncomfortable, to discuss. One reason, he claims, is that people detach themselves from how natural the act is. They “walk around with an image of themselves in their heads that doesn’t include—well—(sex),” despite being fully aware they are “a product of evolution.” Humans want answers regarding sex. And, viewing sex exclusively from a biological and evolutionary point of view provides easy explanations, but not all of them. In pursuit of untangling the enigma that is sex, we have stigmatized it and made people fear or avoid understanding their own nature. Instead of being feared and repressed, sex should be wholly embraced to benefit the cognitive, physical, cultural, and social health of all.
Shawn makes a strong and logical point claiming that “sex is ‘the environment’ coming inside, coming inside our homes and taking root inside our minds.” Humans, no matter how much we try to avoid it, abide by the laws of nature. Without sex, we would not exist, same as any other creature. However, we try to separate ourselves from nature. We place ourselves above it by building cities and technology to bypass evolutionary barriers or even cheat death with advancing medical sciences. The moments we are confronted with the reality that we are part of nature, we often become scared and look for ways to separate farther from it. Regarding sex, we enact arbitrary rules to contain it and paint a black and white picture of right or wrong. Once again, we fight to avoid having our makeshift “picture of (ourselves)” be “violently disrupted.”(Shawn)
Sex is a terrifyingly beautiful concept that we cannot nor will ever fully grasp. To make sense, we place it in a box and try to say if it’s right or if it's wrong. When or when not to do it. How to do it, and who or whom not to do it with. Humans naturally want answers, but when we push too hard for them and try to make sense of our bewildering nature we can end up doing more harm than good. Such as telling a woman to cover up because she’s “too distracting,” shaming people’s sexual interests because we don’t share the same ones, and discriminating against sexual orientations for the same reason or because we don’t understand. The “powerful barriers...devised to control (sex),” (Shawn) —taboos, fear of divine retribution, and stereotypes, only create an abusive cycle of misinformation, self-reproach, criticism, and stigmas.
Not grasping how to healthily process the complex emotional and physical happenings of sex can also lead to the misuse of it. It is easy to become obsessive over or even dependent upon sex. After all, it can elicit behaviour and thoughts similar to being high. If not recognized, sexual misuse can create a virulent cloud that obscures judgement and impedes healthy behaviours; as in, manipulating relationships and using sex as a way to get attention, obtain a desire, or keep people close.
Shawn only briefly touches on the fact that human sexual experience goes beyond the need to procreate, stating, “sex is… an extraordinary meeting place of reality and dream.” However, what he doesn’t discuss is the average person does not have sex to merely have children. We continuously engage in intercourse to experience the unexplainable and addictive rush of euphoria that accompanies the act. Beyond this, beyond the orgasm, a part of us craves the physical connection. Sex demands vulnerability with another person, which scares us but eventually becomes addictive. So much so, that we are willing to sleep with random people for one night, just to get a fix. Because the sexual experience goes beyond reproduction, we cannot simply remove it from ourselves by an afternoon of weeding. It should be allowed to flourish and dig its roots farther and farther. Our complex and beautiful connection with sex makes humans and it is a uniqueness that should be fully embraced.
Obsession with and manipulation of sex also creates guilt and then stigmatization. When we exploit sex, deep down we are aware that something isn’t healthy in how we are engaging with our sex drives. Not addressing our personal connection with sexual intimacy and effectively dealing with and embracing its beautiful turbulence, can cause phases of cognitive dissonance. As a result, we are more likely to project our fears onto others. One way the projection manifests is by telling others that how they have sex is wrong or unclean. And, if anyone has learned from children, telling someone “No” just makes them want to do it more.
Part of understanding your relationship with sex is also acknowledging human sexuality is on a boundless spectrum. Pleasure is subjective, and what one person likes may or may not bring the same amount of happiness, arousal or comfort to another. Although sex is normal, there is no “normal” way to do it. It’s okay for people to enjoy different things and those differences in preferences should be embraced. Accepting the unique multifariousness of the human sexual experience can help open the discussion on how to experience sex in a healthy and inclusive way; thus, breaking down the shame and stereotypes.
Shawn effectively makes us consider why we find sex intriguing and provides excellent explanations, making us observe our own association with sex. Although, he does not contemplate the repercussions of sex not being interesting. Despite needing to normalize sex to benefit mental, physical, and social health, the question is, if this happens, will sex still be intriguing? If we stop looking at it from under a microscope and questioning everything about it, we could stop caring about the implications of sex, which could become unhealthy. Because the relationship between sex and humans is so complex, it’s hard to avoid being personally or socially confused with it. The fact is, no matter how much we try to avoid it or it scares us, sex is one of the “sorts of things that humans do” (Shawn), and confusion towards it is a reasonable reaction.
Without some amount of curiousness, inquiry, and caution we could stop caring to consider our relationships with sex. We could also become more likely to misemploy our sexual energy. Because of this, some amount of apprehensiveness towards sex is healthy. Being cautious with our sexual output forces us to consider how it affects ourselves and those around us and to realize how beautiful it is. We should keep coitus interesting, and, if that means addressing it with a small amount of wariness without demeaning others, then so be it.
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